Recording nostalgia, one song at a time (11/23)

Like many other '80s kids, I grew up with Ninja Turtles, that blasted "Crossfire" board game commercial and Nintendo.

Though I didn't get my start in gaming with the ol' NES, it was certainly the portal to my continuing love of interactive entertainment.

I've been a fan of nearly all things gaming ever since first bopping heads in Battletoads. My interest has waned over the years, but I still enjoy a good videogame ever so often.

A few years ago, I started recording random game-related tunes I enjoyed listening to as a child. Figured I'd upload 'em to Youtube and show the world. Why? I don't know, and I'd wager that 90 percent of Youtube uploaders don't know why they upload either.

But hey, maybe a few people out there will get a warm memory or two from some of these. I'll put a few more up when I get to it.

With that said, open the nerd gates!

The Legend of Zelda theme:



Tetris theme:



Killer Instinct Sabrewulf theme:

Left4Dead - Severed heads above the competition. (11/21)

As a horror nut, it's sometimes difficult (read: nigh impossible) to stay complacent with D-grade movie adaptations and countless subpar remakes.

The winter of our discontent never comes. It's as if bad horror flicks have ironically stumbled into an idiotic, neverending cinematic zombification - they just won't die, and they just keep comin'.

When I do catch a horror screening, I feel awkward. Knowing I'm sitting in a cesspool of new-age Saw and Hostel fans disturbs me. Parents drag along their kids to bloodbaths; a twisted tale in its own right, possibly more drama-filled and psychologically distracting than the movie I'm watching.

It's no secret that I don't appreciate what "horror" has become: torture porn breaded into bite-sized delectables for a tweenage audience. Even with occasional releases overseas attempting to compensate with lackluster, superviolent atrocities, I still can't get into the scene like I once did.

I never thought I'd say this, but where's Jason Voorhees when you need him, if not solely for some wholesome(ly gruesome) American-born entertainment that doesn't involve pinching toenails off with needlenose pliers?

Crossroads. Where do I go from here?

Videogames. That's where, and I plead that any antiqued (I'm 23, by the way) horror aficianados join up with me.

Ask just about anyone: I'm a sucker for 28 Days Later (not to be confused with its deplorable sequel). It's a glorious glimpse into mankind's dark underbelly - beautifully shot, hauntingly desolate.

Now jump into Valve's Left4Dead, a shooter for the Xbox 360 and PC. You won't find any princesses or fat Italian plumbers here. Instead, this is raw, interactive horror at its best.

You're pitted with three teammates - AI-controlled if you don't have buddies to play with - and the goal is to survive long enough for evacuation.

On your way, you'll meet fast, bloodthirsty infected (NOT zombies. Stop calling them zombies.) that are mostly interested in your outting your innards. 28 Days Later: The Game, anyone?

The game isn't necessarily scary per se, unless you've fine-tuned your understanding of what "fright" really is.

Tension builds as you creep along a dimly lit subway. You flinch as a swath of infected soldiers, friends and family erupt down a distant corridor. That's fear. Though its not explicitly said, a true horror fan can see that these diseased, rotting people, these "things," are us. No different than a movie, other than you're the one pulling the trigger. Awesome.

It takes a bit of imagination, but if you can see the writing on the blood-soaked wall, the fun factor goes through the roof.

When you play with friends, it gets even better. Tired of fighting for survival? Go online and join the horde of enraged dead-esque and vomit on your friends. Yeah, you can do that.

Keeping in the horror vein, L4D knows when to take itself dead-serious. Chances are, you won't be laughing if a giant mutant bashes through a wall in attempt to kill you; that is, unless your buddy is controlling him, in which case, it's hilarious.

However, the infected Source material (pun intended for those nerdy enough to understand) there's some laughs to be had, especially with comical conversations jotted on graffiti'd concrete.

I do wish the lot of you take it upon yourselves to try this visceral gem out, especially if you're a jaded horror flicker like myself.

2008 Voting Blog

5:55 p.m. Antonia Wilson said she voted for who she described as the "best candidate," Sen. Barack Obama.

"What he's speaking about, he's more for the people, more for the United States," she said. "He's more for us."

Pat Booth, of West Graham Street, said her vote went to Republican Sen. John McCain.

"I think he has more experience," said Booth. "I think that he will give the country a little more confidence, give other countries an image of more confidence."

===========================

5:46 p.m. Light is definitely an issue now. Supporters look more like shadowy silhouettes than vocal campaigners.

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5:40 p.m. Wow. Shelby City Park is filled with voting signs (outside the gymnasium, at least) but only a few supporters are among the cardboard and plastic forest.

Interesting. Much like Grover Street Fire Department, vehicles are everywhere but there's hardly anyone around.

Wait, speak of the devil. Five people just left the polling location and another one is entering.

===========================

5:36 p.m. Traffic is heavy on Grover Street. Voter turnout or just rush hour? I can't help but wonder.

===========================

5:34 p.m. On the move again, this time to Shelby City Park.

===========================

5:31 p.m. Night is falling and more supporters are using layered clothing to their advantage. A few people are huddled around a heater (pictured in the streaming dashcam footage, if you're following the live broadcast).

The crowd at Grover Street is comparable to that of Shelby's No. 2 precinct, though the stream of voters seems slightly less.

Three voters declined to comment on their presidential choices.

===========================

5:24 p.m. Parking is a precious commodity at the Grover Street Fire Department. Cars are lined up in the grass nearly everywhere. The next-door Kwik-N-Klean car wash is also filling up with would-be voters.

===========================

5:19 p.m. Departed the senior center.

===========================

5:06 p.m. Turnout is, at least now, significantly less at the Neal Smith Senior Center than that of Shelby's No. 2 precinct. There are a few voters coming and going, but traffic in general hardly compares.

===========================

SENATE DISTRICT 46 UPDATE:

5 p.m. Les Roark, sporting a blue Keith Melton support shirt, says Melton will make a good senator because of his experience as Rutherford County Clerk of Court.

"He's well-qualified, he's well educated," said Roark. "Being a county Clerk of Superior Court is one of the most challenging county employees. They have a lot of things to keep up with."

Dan Brown, decked out in Debbie Clary gear, believes Clary's support for outdoorsmen is an important component of her campaign.

"She's been supportive of hunters, shooters and sportsmen in North Carolina," he said. "She has the experience in the House of Representatives. I think she has the experience and the know-how to get things done at the state senate level in Raleigh for our area."

===========================

4:39 p.m. Cleveland Volunteer firefighters responded to a stove fire. The loud noise didn't seem to distract those campaigning at the fire station.

===========================

4:32 p.m. Cleveland County Democratic Party Chair Jennifer Helton said the turnout in some precincts will wind up being "astronomical."

"The turnout has been steady everywhere," she said. "People were coming out to vote first thing."

Helton said it was ironic there were no lines because of all the early voters. Residents who sought to avoid lines by voting early had to wait much longer than those on Election Day.

===========================

4:26 p.m. As of late afternoon, 618 votes have been cast at Shelby precinct No. 2, according to Chief Judge Holly Arakelian-Watts.

"It was very busy this morning," she said, describing the turnout as "steady." "We were lined up at 5:30 (a.m.). No problems."

But she believes the busiest time is still to come. Rush hour could bring in even more voters.

===========================

12:39 p.m. Charlotte Mayor Pat McCrory's (R) camp claims recent radio ads against him are racist. He's running against Democratic candidate Bev Perdue for the office of governor. I encoded one of the ads to let you decide for yourself. What do you think?



12:12 p.m. Let's say Election Day ends in a 269-269 tie. Who would decide the winner? The only real answer lies in this video:



11:58 a.m. Here's some neat resources to follow the presidential race:

From CNN:
http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/results/president/

From the New York Times:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/11/03/us/politics/20081104_ELECTION_PREVIEW.html

11:27 a.m. County GOP Chair Wayne King was pleased to see "significant" turnout in Earl for the 2008 General Election.

"The rural boxes are voting, which trend more Republican," he said. "Looks like people are excited about voting."

8-year-old dies at gun show after shooting himself with Uzi

I don't even know what to think about this. Maybe I should just label and toss this gem into the "absoutely absurd" category and be done with it.

The federal ATF is expected in Westfield today to aid local police in investigating the accidental death of an 8-year-old boy who was killed yesterday after firing an Uzi submachine gun while attending a gun show.

The boy, identified as Christopher Bizilj, was firing the Uzi when he lost control, forcing it upwards and back, causing him to shoot himself in the head, said Westfield Police Lt. Hipolito Nunez. Bizilj of Ashford, Conn., was under the supervision of a certified instructor at the gun expo at the Westfield Sportman’s Club when he was shot.

The rest of the story can be read here.

No surprise, "Saw V" a hit with American filmgoers

The sheep are out to pasture and they're loving it -- expectedly so, might I add.

Yep, only the tween-friendly "High School Musical 3" could beat out "Saw V," one of the worst-reviewed movies of the year, for this weekend's top grossing spot.

The R-rated torturefest reportedly pulled in $30.5 million. Amazing.

Just for fun, I decided to make a MadLib version of "Saw VI," which will inevitably come out next year.

Unfortunately, the HTML for it is screwed up so I'll just paste my story instead. I think it has a chance making the screenplay. What do you think?

================================

MadLib:

It was 6 a.m. on a nasty autumn Saturday. Herbert begins to stir, finding a note attached to his/her shackled leg.

"Watch the tape."

The dazed person, though panicked, obliges and flips on the television.

"My word, how many canned hams are in this freezer?!", Herbert exclaims. It`s a surveillance tape of your friend, Col. Mortimer Putz! He/she finds him/herself in a dimly lit room. His/she is ice skating loudly.

A puppet appears on the monochrome surveillance screen and crafts.

"Sup boyz?," it says, only a few feet away from your friend.

"I`d like to play a game. You have attached to your jawbone a bear trap exerting enough pressure to snap iron bars in two. Above your right index finger is a Mario Lopez' autograph. You have 4,000 seconds to crump a 1961 Nolan Ryan Topps card to your scalp. If you fail to do so, your butt cheek will be shaved."

"Let the game begin," the doll said.

"Saw" returns to torture American intelligence

Look into the mirror, America. Tell me what you see.










Look familiar? Thought so.

In a dramatic turn of events, Saw is back. Now in its fifth iteration (and I'm pretty sure it died halfway through the second), Jigsaw and friends return tonight to theaters. Yay.

Though sure to be hackneyed and riddled with plot holes, Saw V will, no doubt, be well-received by its sheep following.

On a side note, I'm happy to report though that Jiggy won't be enough of a "hit" (lol) to dethrone Heath Ledger's "Joker" as the No. 1 pretentious, overdone Halloween outfit.

So go forth, America. Eat up the pile of crap David Hackl has presented you. Eat it and like it, and then get ready for next year's feast with the obligatory Saw VI. Bon appétit.

Yip.

I got my moblog working.

Jim Carrey's comedy career is rolling over in its grave. Ace Ventura 3 announced. (7/10)

From Variety.com:

"Josh Flitter will topline Morgan Creek comedy "Ace Ventura 3," directed by David M. Evans.
"Ace 3" will be produced by Morgan Creek topper James G. Robinson. David Robinson will also serve as a producer with Morgan Creek's Guy McElwaine exec producing.
Principal photography will begin Sept. 17 in Orlando, Fla. Screenplay, penned by Jason Heimberg, Justin Heimberg and Jeff Sank, centers on the son of Ace Ventura following in his father's footsteps by becoming a pet detective for the 7th-grade set and tracking a stolen baby panda after his mother's wrongly arrested for the crime.
Flitter's currently appearing in "License to Wed" and "Nancy Drew." Evans penned "Radio Flyer" and directed "The Sandlot."
Morgan Creek produced "Georgia Rule" and "Sydney White," starring Amanda Bynes."

I smell a clean sweep at the Razzies incoming...

Let's just hope it lives up to such classic follow-ups to Carrey material as "Dumb and Dumberer" and "Son of the Mask."

Oh, and here's the top talent that will be filling Carrey's shoes:

Japan fines overweight citizens: Good idea? (6/24)

Yipes. If this happened in America, we'd surely see riots in the streets. Here's what Japan is doing to "trim the fat":

Citizens between the ages of 40 and 74 are having their tummy stats jotted down. Too big? You might pay.

"To reach its goals of shrinking the overweight population by 10 percent over the next four years and 25 percent over the next seven years, the government will impose financial penalties on companies and local governments that fail to meet specific targets," the Times article states.

The state-prescribed limit for male waists is 33.5 inches. For women? 35.4 inches.

Harsh? Possibly. Effective? Exponentially. What better way to sock obesity in the jaw than by slapping its gatekeeper in the wallet?

What do you think?

Read more here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/13/world/asia/13fat.html?_r=1&em&ex=1213502400&en=c6f2623fbee96495&ei=5087%0A&oref=slogin

MMA femme fatales

People make fun of me, but I don't care. I like the new version of Mixed Martial Arts, which just concluded a network television broadcast that was watched by millions.

Some organizations put on a good show, hiding animalistic savagery in a rules-driven sport.

I agree that the EliteXC show CBS aired weeks ago was garbage. But the sport itself is entirely different. It's moody, generally action-packed and exciting.

The rules have also changed over the years. It has evolved from the bare-fisted, "nothing's illegal" bloodsport from the first few years to the media-friendly phenomenon we know today. Now that's progress.

And some of the female fighters are as dangerous as
they are attractive. True femme fatales.

(Credit goes to "Boogie Nights" enthusiast Jon Jimison for the general blog template.)

And just to show you that these ladies are more than pretty faces:

An obligatory fight video:

Calling all drummers! (6/4)

I've made a huge mistake. A few months ago, I let go of my Pearl Export Series 5-piece set for a sum of a few hundred bucks.

Shameful, I know. In fact, it's borderline humiliating.

But at the time of sale, I had no need for 'em. I was at college and they were sitting, gathering dust, in a spare room.

Now, since I'm back on the playing field, I need a quick fix on some shells and cymbals. I'm in desperate need here, friends.

I'm looking to buy a used set before I commit to a new one from musiciansfriend.com. The cheaper, the better. Doesn't matter if it's a name brand.

So if you have one sitting around, let me know. Same goes for cymbals. Don't make me beg on a Wednesday.

Jon Arbuckle is a paranoid schizophrenic.

According to "Garfield" canon, Jon Arbuckle, the comic's lonely, lovable bachelor, cannot communicate with or actually understand what is said by his slobbenly orange cat.

That being so, when the majority of "Garfield" comics are taken out of context, the lonely, lovable bachelor suddenly becomes a paranoid, bipolar, schizophrenic loser.

Instead of a pen-and-paper abomination created solely for our disdain by tremendously unfunny artist Jim Davis, the long-running comic magically becomes a post-modern look through one man's eyes at the desperation and hardship of everyday life.

First, we look at what "Garfield" would be like without the cat entirely.

Exhibit A:






















And now, let's take a look at what Jon would actually look like if he conversed with his pet cat whom he never understands.

Exhibit B:
















I do think the worst part about these comics is the fact that "Garfield" finally becomes humorous again.

It's a shame that it comes at the cost of one man's sanity. Godspeed, Jon Arbuckle. Godspeed.

Kimbo Slice overrated, man threatened with arrest for wearing Transformers shirt and more (6/2)

A few things I'd like to touch on.

It was rigged ...

Kimbo Slice, the former pitfighter turned MMA "sensation" (the term is used loosely here, folks), fought Saturday against James "Megapunk" Thompson during EliteXC's PRIMETIME event on CBS.

Gotta admit -- Kimbo, who was 2-0 going into the fight, is going to get destroyed when he actually faces decent competition.

Why?

The guy's a brawler. A hack. He belongs on the street, not in a ring. He's not classically trained in anything other than what it takes to survive.

But it's not just about his lack of professional training. He's got no stamina and no command over a ground game.

Kimbo took about 30 elbows to the head in the second round. One of the key rules of MMA is that if you aren't defending yourself, the fight's over. It's not about favoritism; it's about keeping fighters safe.

Not so Saturday. Kimbo, unresponsive, took 'em -- he could barely stand as the round came to a close.

Did upper management let the fight go on to make sure EliteXC's new golden boy didn't lose on national TV? Probable.

But it doesn't stop there.

In case you didn't see the fight, Thompson came into the event with one heck of a cauliflower ear. Kimbo ruptured the festering boil in round three, leading up to a few punches and abrupt ref stoppage.

I'll concede that Thompson took some damage, but the ref must've got the cue from his bosses to call the fight when he did. Pathetic. Even the announcers were on his case.

Thompson has dropped seven of his last nine fights.

Man threatened with arrest for wearing Transformers shirt

Post 9-11, America has gone into desperation mode when it comes to security.

Despite flying still being the safest form of travel, you'd think by all the rules, regulations and stigmas surrounding it that you're surely going to perish by the time the in-flight movie's credits roll.

As for airport security, I can kinda understand issues with a briefcase-toting man wearing a trenchcoat who seems hesitant to walk through metal detectors.

But what about a 30-year-old wearing a Transformers t-shirt? In Britain?

According to London Lite, a security guard threatened to arrest Brad Jayakody, an IT consultant, because of his "offensive" t-shirt, which featured a 40-foot-tall cartoon robot holding a gun.

A spokesman for Heathrow operator BAA told London Lite, "If a T-shirt had a rude word or a bomb on it, for example, a passenger may be asked to remove it."

I'll remember that next time I wear my Tom & Jerry merchandise. I wonder if British airlines have issues with mallets and anvils?

Breaking the lazy American stereotype, one mile at a time

While I can concede that I do enjoy my peanut butter, barbecue sandwiches and couch potato weekends (probably moreso because of a high metabolism), I try to stay at least slightly active.

My gym membership has long expired, but I do aspire to one day get back in the regimen of popping creatine and pumping iron.

But this guy has seemingly got it down to a science. Got a problem with high gas prices? Want a trimmer tummy for the summer months? Stop complaining long enough to watch this. Inspire yourselves, America.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2008/05/30/christian.bike.to.work.kero

8:45 p.m.
We're here at the Democratic office (old Alliance Bank Building) near the Chamber.
Several county commissioners are available along with county Democratic chair Jennifer Helton.
They're awaiting voting results.

"It's just always fun on election night to be with our good democrat friends," said Commissioners Chair Jo Boggs. "We're usually at the fire dept. but there's not a lot going on at the fire dept.Just enjoying the evening."

8:30 p.m.
Several area residents have gathered at the Obama headquarters on Washington Street.
Election Day has been an emotional time to at least two residents.
"It's been wonderful, a bit hectic ," said Lawndale resident Pamela Campbell. "It's hard work."
Jane Brothers, a Shelby resident, said a lot of effort has been put in from everyone involved from the local to national level.
"We've worked so hard," she said. "From the very beginning we've had a grassroots campaign."

8:19 p.m.
City Editor Graham Cawthon, photographer Brittany Randolph and I just left Cleveland Volunteer Fire Department in the Shelby #2 precinct.
They have a live stats feed projected on a large screen.
County commissioner candidate Jason Falls (R) was on-hand. He doesn't have to worry about participating in this year's primary. He's focusing his efforts on the election in November.
"It feels really, really good," he said with a laugh.

Voting update

3:24 p.m.

Upon arriving at First Baptist Church Ministry Center in Kings Mountain, few voters were at the polls.

But after only a few minutes, lines began forming.

As of 2 p.m., 367 votes had been cast at the ministry center, according to Chief Judge Evelyn Pressley.

"Census from everybody is (it's going) pretty smooth, but not really fast-paced," Pressley said.

Voter Charles Drewery voted for Sen. Hillary Clinton in the Democratic presidential primary.

"I just think she's better qualified than Obama," he said. "Him being a young senator, I just don't think he's got the experience he needs."

2:34 p.m.

Just before leaving Boiling Springs Baptist Church, we ran into County Elections Director Debra Blanton.

She said she's been to several polling sites but was more interested in how things were going rather than specific voting numbers.

Blanton said some sites have seen more than 300 voters.

"I'm still afraid we're not going to get to 50 percent (turnout)," she said. "We're programmed by the state board to assume that's what the turnout would be. We're always physically prepared for a 100 percent turnout. Mentally, we're geared for 50 percent. For a primary we normally have about 20 percent."

2:11 p.m.

We're at Boiling Springs Baptist Church and voter turnout is slow right now, according to Chief Judge Glenn Bottoms.. But he said the turnout so far today has been "steady" and better than last fall's elections.

As of 2 p.m., there have been 410 voters and five provisional voters at the church, he said.

"It's been very steady," Bottoms said.

1:30 p.m.

The Leona Smith Neal Senior Center bustled with voting activity as well. At least six people were preparing to vote at one time.

Rachel Gaines voted for Barack Obama because of his promise for change.

"He's talking about changes and I think that's what our country needs right now," she said. "He can see both sides of the political process."

1:04 p.m.

Joe Mullen, a Republican, voted today but not in the Democratic presidential primary. He said neither Democratic candidate appealed to his interests.

"I think they've just made a lot of unrealistic assumptions about the war in Iraq," he said.

12:45 p.m.

Voters are filing in at a steady pace at the Cleveland Volunteer Fire Department polling site.

Residents of all ages are coming out to cast their votes.

Gennie Black, a Shelby resident, said she knew of several people who planned on voting in today's primary election.

"Quite a few people," she said.

Clinton speaks at Appalachian State

My fiancee was lucky (or unlucky, depending on your political stance) enough to hear former president Bill Clinton speak at the varsity gymnasium at Appalachian State Unversity, my alma mater.

Apparently this "Democratic presidential nomination" thing is important enough to bring high-profile candidates to North Carolina. Who'da thunk it?

Here are some pictures from the event (notice the "Ron Paul '08" sign admist the mob).

The future of sports videogames

Videogames are getting closer and closer to emulating real life every year - at least in terms of looks.

This is mostly true in sports games. Gawkers are impressed - year-in, year-out - with how far graphics are being pushed. Nobody seems to mind that sports games are generally the same every year, albeit from a few minor upgrades and roster swap.

But how many people honestly care how a game looks? [The answer is "plenty"; have you seen sales figures for sports games nowadays?] Isn't the point of a videogame to enjoy playing it?

Enough with the technicalities. I'll let the videos do the talking for this post.

First up, let's take a look at "Madden NFL 2008," the yearly update to the million-selling series from Electronic Arts' Tiburon studio:

The players run like constipated robots (is that even possible?) and it's just plain boring to watch.

It's the exact same game as "Madden NFL 2001," except with a prettier face and a few extra (negligible) bells and whistles.

But wait, virtual pigskin fanatics, your savior has arrived.

"Backbreaker" is a new football game from NaturalMotion using cutting-edge animation technology.

Granted, you won't be wrapping up LT for a loss or making Eli Manning cry because of the game's lack of an NFL license, but it's the game itself that matters, right?

Right?

Information on the new technology can be found at http://naturalmotion.com/ .

Iron Man scared of Grand Theft Auto?

The Financial Times recently spoke with Electronic Arts CEO John Riccitiello on two potential spring blockbusters: the silver screen's "Iron Man" and the controversial, fashionably twisted mafioso crimefest, Rockstar Entertainment's "Grand Theft Auto IV (GTA4)."

For those not hip to gaming culture, GTA is on the same popularity/financial level as Bungie's "Halo," which recently set an opening-day U.S. sales record (including movies, music, etc.) by bringing in over $170 million.

Iron Man is slated to hit the big screen on May 2, just three days after GTA4's launch on Microsoft's Xbox 360 and Sony's Playstation 3 consoles. Still following? Good.

Now here comes the dilemma: Do you drop $8.50 for a movie lasting an hour and a half, or $60 for 50 hours in front of the idiot box? With the economy nowadays, people probably aren't going to drop money on both (at least within such a close time period of each other).

"The buzz in Hollywood, which I heard from some Hollywood folks...is people are worried whether Iron Man the movie is going to get killed by Grand Theft Auto the game," Riccitiello told the Times.

Is the supposed fear well-founded? Perhaps, especially if the past is any indication.

According to Rockstar, the most recent GTA game, "San Andreas," has sold more than 21.5 million copies as of March 26.

Yep. Be afraid.

A new car

So this past Friday, I signed away my financial freedom for the next few years and bought a 2006 Pontiac Solstice convertible. Yeek.

But before you go thinking that the lives of small-town newspaper journalists are all glitz and glamour, there's some things you must first consider.

For instance, instead of driving my new cherry red coupe to a penthouse suite, I'm driving it to my parents' home where I live rent-free (God bless them). Hey, you save where you can, right?

I also make short movies, which are sold to Web sites like Break.com and ebaumsworld.com. Some of them have been featured on national television. It's like a second job, pretty much.

So no, I'm not selling blood on the side. I don't have an abdominal scar from when I bartered one of my kidneys on the black market.

...but seriously, donations can be sent to davidallen@shelbystar.com.

Hey Nike, LaDainian Tomlinson can't act.

Love him or hate him, at least Lebron James has personality. He's gracing Vogue's cover - only the third man to do so in the magazine's 116-year-history. He's hosted the ESPYs.

I can respect that.

I can also respect athletes like Dirk Nowitzki and Tim Duncan, as they realize they have zero personality - they don't try to be marketing machines. They just play the game and accept the fact they'll never be dancing to showtunes on national television.

During his stint on primetime television, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, a former WWE wrestler turned Hollywood actor, was known to say, "Know your role, shut your mouth." LaDainian Tomlinson desperately needs to heed those words.



Can someone - anyone - tell me why Vizio and Nike want anything to do with this guy? He's gracing national TV ads. Well, he's an NFL standout - nothing new here. I have no problem watching the guy run. Heck, he's a money in the bank come Sunday afternoons during football season. But after hearing him talk, I really wonder what the marketing departments for these companies were thinking bringing him on to endorse their products.

Every time I see one of his monologue-driven commercials, I can't help but think he's going to slowly droop forward and blow a transistor at any moment, revealing he's actually a Korean test robot for their National Defense.

DCC update

Sorry, the wireless connection here is very weak. Commissioners are about to vote. Throngs of people showed up - standing room only for most of the meeting.

Update: 7:39 p.m.

Robert Yelton gave a run-through of the lease agreement for the historic courthouse and the Earl Scruggs Center, and County Manager David Dear gave an overview of commonly asked questions via Powerpoint.

Update: 7:41 p.m.

Commissioner Eddie Holbrook said, "It's impossible to please everyone. In my opinion, the historic courthouse and the Scruggs Center is a step forward."

Chair Jo Boggs notes the beauty of the courthouse exterior, but adds that the interior needs work.

Update: 7:44 p.m.

The lease agreement was unanimously accepted by the Board of Commissioners.

DCC Lease/Board of Commissioners

The meeting begins at 6 p.m. Check back for updates.

Talk Tech - Monster cables versus coat hanger

Every time an audiophile buys into hype and chooses Monster or Bose products over a generic brand, I cry.

A recent experiment pitting Monster 1000 speaker cables against a common coat hanger (with soldered-on speaker connectors) shows that if you're buying the expensive connective gadgetry, you're buying snake oil and volcano insurance.

Not one single person in the experiment could tell the difference between the Monster cables and the sophisticated hanging device (much like how I can't tell the difference between Fergie's "music" and a dying womp rat).

For shame, consumer America. For shame.

Read more HERE.

Talk Tech - Humanoid robots

It's 2008, but there's no flying cars. Dogs can't talk. Let's face it - we won't be living like the Jetsons anytime soon.

Or will we?

For $166,000 a year, Honda's ASIMO, the world's most advanced humanoid robot, can be "hired" for service.

Expensive? Yes. Awesome? Oh yes. Don't believe me? Watch this.

According to Honda, ASIMO can recognize faces, respond to questions, run at 6 km/h and provide news and weather updates. Is it worth the price tag? That's debatable, but if ASIMO is any indication, the future (especially for lazy people) is bright.

Talk Tech: Bendable ... cell phone?

We've all seen Apple's iPhone, complete with a slick touchscreen, mobile Internet access and chic (read: pretentious) exterior.

That's pretty cutting-edge, right? Right?

But, have you ever seen a cell phone that bends like Stretch Armstrong?

Thought not.

Meet "Morph," Nokia's new concept phone. It's on display at the "Design and the Elastic Mind" exhibition at the Museum of Modern Art in New York City until mid-May and is an amalgam of ultra-new (and ultra-expensive) nanotechology.

But what does this mean for the common consumer?

It means you could wear it on your wrist, if you so choose. Bend it backwards. Twist it in half. It won't break. It's basically an electronic gymnast.

Don't expect it in Paris' Prada bag anytime soon though. Nokia says it's still in early development, but could eventually land on the market when nanotechology becomes a little less wallet-crippling.