8-year-old dies at gun show after shooting himself with Uzi

I don't even know what to think about this. Maybe I should just label and toss this gem into the "absoutely absurd" category and be done with it.

The federal ATF is expected in Westfield today to aid local police in investigating the accidental death of an 8-year-old boy who was killed yesterday after firing an Uzi submachine gun while attending a gun show.

The boy, identified as Christopher Bizilj, was firing the Uzi when he lost control, forcing it upwards and back, causing him to shoot himself in the head, said Westfield Police Lt. Hipolito Nunez. Bizilj of Ashford, Conn., was under the supervision of a certified instructor at the gun expo at the Westfield Sportman’s Club when he was shot.

The rest of the story can be read here.

No surprise, "Saw V" a hit with American filmgoers

The sheep are out to pasture and they're loving it -- expectedly so, might I add.

Yep, only the tween-friendly "High School Musical 3" could beat out "Saw V," one of the worst-reviewed movies of the year, for this weekend's top grossing spot.

The R-rated torturefest reportedly pulled in $30.5 million. Amazing.

Just for fun, I decided to make a MadLib version of "Saw VI," which will inevitably come out next year.

Unfortunately, the HTML for it is screwed up so I'll just paste my story instead. I think it has a chance making the screenplay. What do you think?

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MadLib:

It was 6 a.m. on a nasty autumn Saturday. Herbert begins to stir, finding a note attached to his/her shackled leg.

"Watch the tape."

The dazed person, though panicked, obliges and flips on the television.

"My word, how many canned hams are in this freezer?!", Herbert exclaims. It`s a surveillance tape of your friend, Col. Mortimer Putz! He/she finds him/herself in a dimly lit room. His/she is ice skating loudly.

A puppet appears on the monochrome surveillance screen and crafts.

"Sup boyz?," it says, only a few feet away from your friend.

"I`d like to play a game. You have attached to your jawbone a bear trap exerting enough pressure to snap iron bars in two. Above your right index finger is a Mario Lopez' autograph. You have 4,000 seconds to crump a 1961 Nolan Ryan Topps card to your scalp. If you fail to do so, your butt cheek will be shaved."

"Let the game begin," the doll said.

"Saw" returns to torture American intelligence

Look into the mirror, America. Tell me what you see.










Look familiar? Thought so.

In a dramatic turn of events, Saw is back. Now in its fifth iteration (and I'm pretty sure it died halfway through the second), Jigsaw and friends return tonight to theaters. Yay.

Though sure to be hackneyed and riddled with plot holes, Saw V will, no doubt, be well-received by its sheep following.

On a side note, I'm happy to report though that Jiggy won't be enough of a "hit" (lol) to dethrone Heath Ledger's "Joker" as the No. 1 pretentious, overdone Halloween outfit.

So go forth, America. Eat up the pile of crap David Hackl has presented you. Eat it and like it, and then get ready for next year's feast with the obligatory Saw VI. Bon appétit.